I think my day started around 12:45am today. Between then and my 5am alarm I think I woke up 5 times either from a sleepy husband who kept banging my face with his arm or my relentless knee pain.
I got up and did a Livestrong.com workout. It hurt a lot. I pushed through the burning and stabbing pain and got it done though. Achieving a little victory first thing seems important. Today though was one of those days I could have stayed lying down. The burning pain is constant today and nothing is helping. I'm pretty convinced my leg is swollen since sitting in a chair is actually painful so I'm sitting with just one butt cheek on my office chair. It's day 2 of this nonsense. I'm going to get wild here and guess this is another flare up.
So I called my GP. She's out until lunch today, she likely had a late night baby delivery so I can't be upset about that. So to reassure myself I called and booked an overdue follow up appointment with my orthopedic surgeon.
I can guess about two emotional triggers that are likely contributing to the pain on top of the rain storm outside. First is my cousin (who was more like an Aunt) who is dying from brain cancer in another town. I'm expecting a call about her passing any day now. The second is my trip to my in-laws. Between both my daughter and I catching a head cold last week and a minor snow storm we rescheduled for this weekend. The thought of sitting in my car for 5+ hours (one way) makes my leg hurt. Literally. The fact I can't request we stop every hour for a walk break because my husband is hell bent on getting there sucks (and of course I have to defend my pain all the time to him so its not like I want that conversation on why it hurts today versus another day-if I knew that maybe I could stop the pain!). On top of that I have to choose between sleeping on a 20+ year old stab you in the back with bed springs hide-a-bed or a sofa since I don't want my daughter to sleep on the floor for 3 nights. I'll also get to listen to everyone else's medical issues while we're there for hours on end and get told how fat my husband and I are by his grandparents. I won't mention that there's one bathroom for 5 adults and 3 kids to share. My husband is also ditching my daughter and I to go party with an old friend and his ex-con cousin the evening after we arrive (gee thanks). I try to remind myself its only 3 days but if my cousin passes while I'm there I'll be grieving.
I'm the type of griever that just wants to be alone to cry at will and just be sad. I certainly don't want to be around my in-laws if my cousin passes while we're there (they are less than sympathetic) but I know there's not a hope in hell my husband will agree to come home early. The whole mess just makes me want to stay home and hobble around in my pjs. God help me through this BS.
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