Running through the trails last night I thought a lot about my goals and if I even want any right now. A friend of mine had just stated that she was going to run another marathon this September and part of me wanted to say "me too!" The other part of me knows I would get zero support for that idea at home so I pushed it aside. The I started thinking.
If I were able to get through the first month of training, would the support at home change? I doubt it. In fact I would probably get reamed out for "trying to hurt myself" as opposed to trying to better myself. Could I do it? I don't know. You see, I have this medal hanger beside my bed that says "The only way to define your limits is to go beyond them." I try to aim for this in my running. I could run a marathon and 50ks before my accident and subsequent OA diagnosis, but can I do it now? Part of me wants to find out and another part thinks I'm crazy and should just be grateful to run 10ks without much pain. But could I go further?? I want to try.
Last year I trained and ran a half marathon. It went great until the 15k mark (literally, once I saw that sign it felt like someone had kicked me in the knee). From that point to the 21k finish my sweet brother and I ran/walked the final, slow 6km. I finished it but it was ugly. Should I just try and finish a half successfully or aim for the big prize of the marathon? Ugh, decisions. If I don't run a marathon this year it will have been 3 years since I completed anything longer than 35km race. For someone who usually ran at least one marathon and a 50k a year this feels like a really long running layoff.
I think I'll need to go for another run tonight to decide.
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