I had my follow up appointment with my new specialist. I feel like he didn't even look at my first report by the way he just brushed off my symptoms with a broad-stroked brush. He essentially said that my knee isn't as bad as I seem to think it is. That 67% of medical students showed the same amount of damage that I have, so I guess, what's the big deal with my knee? My problem is that I didn't have crepitus until after my fall, and that the pain is so bad it haunts me day and night, never mind that my knee has been twice the size of the other one for over a year. I tried to ask pointed questions but he said all my pain is caused by this cartilage damage and until I can't walk any more there's nothing he can do. He said there's no restrictions, I can run and do whatever I want. Great, I guess? So I guess I'll have at it until, what? I end up on the side of the road one day because my leg gives out? Okay...the last time I ran further than 15km I ended up in the ER but yeah, sure, I'll go train for that marathon, that sounds like solid advice. Didn't my last specialist say something like this too? I feel like I just wasted a year of trying to find out why some cartilage damage keeps me up at night and clutching my leg for 10 minutes at a time during the day to end up exactly where I was with my previous doctor.
I feel defeated. I am also fed up with the medical system. My husband wants me to try acupuncture, and while I agree it would help I don't want to see my GP again for this, never mind taking more time out to attend more appointments. After 18 months of this crap, I'm done.
So what am I going to do? Well, I am currently trying different KT taping positions to see if that helps. No matter how frustrated I get I still can't get rid of this constant pain so I need to figure something (non-drug related) out for some relief.
I hate this.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
And the results are in...again
Well, it took 2 attempts but I finally got a copy of my latest MRI report. The diagnosis is bitter-sweet I guess. No major issues with my ligaments and meniscus. That's good, but it doesn't explain my medial knee pain. It again confirmed I have a severe (grade 3) case of chondromalasia patella and I have water on the knee and edema inside the knee joint. So it sounds like the underside of my kneecap resembles crab meat sitting in swelling and the top of my kneecap is swollen. Google pretty much confirmed that. It explains that floating feeling I get from my kneecap when I walk on that leg.
So, what's the treatment? I feel like I'm living Groundhog day. Strengthen the leg muscles, use heat, try injections, and avoid cut and run exercises (darn, no more football, and just when my career with the NFL was taking off-lol). It sounds like running isn't recommended, pshaw I say! I have done all of this. And I've done it all again, and again and I still have medial knee pain. I know the itchy feeling is that crab meat rubbing around. I know the water on my knee and how it causes specific pain on the top of my knee and the patellar tendon gets aggravated. All of this I've become accustomed to and can live with. I just want an answer why the "good" side of my knee hurts worse than the side that's supposed to have next-to bone on bone damage. Honestly, that's my only question. If my new specialist can answer that for me, instead of telling me it's all in my head, then I'll be a happy, compliant patient. If I hear about how I need to strengthen my legs I might flip a table. I ran 50ks for god's sake, and ran 60k a week until my accident. My leg muscles are already stronger than most people so how is getting them any stronger going to help? I tried the injections and I tried the heat. Heat does actually help, but am I supposed to carry around a heating pad forever? How exactly will that work in the middle of a trail race? "Oh just a sec, I need to find a microwave to heat up my pad. Uh huh." It is incredibly frustrating.
The ridiculous part is that I feel like I don't have the right to complain about it. That because I did this to myself, by accident, that I need to suck it up and keep up my previous life-pace. Maybe I'm just searching for an excuse but this medial knee pain is real, and it wakes me up from a deep sleep almost nightly.
So I'm quickly getting to that point. That point where you just want the pain and the frustration to go away. Pushing the pain and feelings to the back of my mind helps until the pain gets to be too much and I'm back at a specialist or my GP complaining, again. I just wanted a simple, cut and dry answer. "X is damaged and this is how it is fixed." Instead I got nasty pain with swelling that will never go away and will get worse, and in 20 years I'll probably need a knee replacement. Double Ugh. But for now, when I still want to be active and live life to the fullest, I can't.
So, what's the treatment? I feel like I'm living Groundhog day. Strengthen the leg muscles, use heat, try injections, and avoid cut and run exercises (darn, no more football, and just when my career with the NFL was taking off-lol). It sounds like running isn't recommended, pshaw I say! I have done all of this. And I've done it all again, and again and I still have medial knee pain. I know the itchy feeling is that crab meat rubbing around. I know the water on my knee and how it causes specific pain on the top of my knee and the patellar tendon gets aggravated. All of this I've become accustomed to and can live with. I just want an answer why the "good" side of my knee hurts worse than the side that's supposed to have next-to bone on bone damage. Honestly, that's my only question. If my new specialist can answer that for me, instead of telling me it's all in my head, then I'll be a happy, compliant patient. If I hear about how I need to strengthen my legs I might flip a table. I ran 50ks for god's sake, and ran 60k a week until my accident. My leg muscles are already stronger than most people so how is getting them any stronger going to help? I tried the injections and I tried the heat. Heat does actually help, but am I supposed to carry around a heating pad forever? How exactly will that work in the middle of a trail race? "Oh just a sec, I need to find a microwave to heat up my pad. Uh huh." It is incredibly frustrating.
The ridiculous part is that I feel like I don't have the right to complain about it. That because I did this to myself, by accident, that I need to suck it up and keep up my previous life-pace. Maybe I'm just searching for an excuse but this medial knee pain is real, and it wakes me up from a deep sleep almost nightly.
So I'm quickly getting to that point. That point where you just want the pain and the frustration to go away. Pushing the pain and feelings to the back of my mind helps until the pain gets to be too much and I'm back at a specialist or my GP complaining, again. I just wanted a simple, cut and dry answer. "X is damaged and this is how it is fixed." Instead I got nasty pain with swelling that will never go away and will get worse, and in 20 years I'll probably need a knee replacement. Double Ugh. But for now, when I still want to be active and live life to the fullest, I can't.
Monday, May 16, 2016
It was a long, sleepless weekend
What an exhausting weekend. The most frustrating part of that is that I don't know if it was my arthritis or some new issue that caused me the pain and exhaustion all weekend. I slept horribly both nights. Both nights waking up due to searing hot pain shooting through my knee. Sunday was much worse as I had to get out of bed for over an hour to wait for some pain meds to kick in enough so I could go back to sleep. Is this the kind of night I can expect going forward? Sporadic sleep, pain ridden mornings and never knowing if today will be a "good" day where the pain eventually fades and I can pretend for a few hours like my leg is not a constant source of pain?
It wasn't like I did anything special. Sure, I walked the local mall with my mother, brother and my daughter for hours, but it wasn't difficult, or taxing. Surely a 10km run would cause me more grief?
Running on Sunday was totally possible in my schedule but after only having 4 hours of continuous sleep I wasn't feeling much like running anywhere except to my couch with more advil.
So I still have 10 more days to wait before I see my specialist BUT I have devised a plan to get my grubby hands on my mri report before that. I called my GP and she's getting me a copy of it today. Today! Today I can read the medical mumbo-jumbo (if there is any) and google it up to see what's going on in there. Today I can find out if I simply have a nasty case of OA or if there is something in there they can actually fix and give me some kind of relief. Now, the treatment plan is something I need to wait on but at least I'll have a better idea if I'm walking into my next specialist appointment to hear "there's nothing we can do, here's a brace or some meds" or "you have X and this is what we'll do or not do." The anticipation!!
It wasn't like I did anything special. Sure, I walked the local mall with my mother, brother and my daughter for hours, but it wasn't difficult, or taxing. Surely a 10km run would cause me more grief?
Running on Sunday was totally possible in my schedule but after only having 4 hours of continuous sleep I wasn't feeling much like running anywhere except to my couch with more advil.
So I still have 10 more days to wait before I see my specialist BUT I have devised a plan to get my grubby hands on my mri report before that. I called my GP and she's getting me a copy of it today. Today! Today I can read the medical mumbo-jumbo (if there is any) and google it up to see what's going on in there. Today I can find out if I simply have a nasty case of OA or if there is something in there they can actually fix and give me some kind of relief. Now, the treatment plan is something I need to wait on but at least I'll have a better idea if I'm walking into my next specialist appointment to hear "there's nothing we can do, here's a brace or some meds" or "you have X and this is what we'll do or not do." The anticipation!!
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Just call me the Peg-leg Runner
A message to my knee: If you could please re-attach yourself to my upper and lower leg, that'd be super great. 'Cause right now it feels like you're free-floating as I lift my leg but crunching together as I step down. Fun? Not so much. And this weird hot and cold feeling, yeah if you could take that away, it'd be a help. Thanks!
There's only so much pain killers I can take and I refuse to overdose on naproxen. Just one pill makes me feel like I've had a red bull and it doesn't even totally take the pain away. Ugh. Other OTC pain meds might as well be candy, they have no effect. My luck will be when I finally get to see my specialist I'll be told there's no change from last year's MRI. That would make me feel totally helpless.
So I'm trying, really trying, to make the best of my waiting time and trying to keep up with my running and other exercises. These past 3 days though, have really tested my pain limits. The peg-leg is a constant companion now, all day, no matter what I do. This morning it woke me up, screaming that I was lying in the "wrong" position and must flip over 5 times to find a good spot. When I try to run I can get about a mile down the road before I start to notice a tightness that starts in the knee, then either changes into standard arthritis pain, with a dull ache on my lateral side (I can put up with it) or I'll quickly transform into a peg-legged runner. These past 3 days it's been the later, with me slowing to a walk when I notice my peg-leg pain is affecting my form. The only relief I get is switching to running on my toes (on the bad leg), which can work for a little while, but eventually the pain overcomes the form change and no matter how I place my foot it feels like I'm crunching bone. I just want to know why it feels so crappy and if there is anything at all I can do.
There's only so much pain killers I can take and I refuse to overdose on naproxen. Just one pill makes me feel like I've had a red bull and it doesn't even totally take the pain away. Ugh. Other OTC pain meds might as well be candy, they have no effect. My luck will be when I finally get to see my specialist I'll be told there's no change from last year's MRI. That would make me feel totally helpless.
So I'm trying, really trying, to make the best of my waiting time and trying to keep up with my running and other exercises. These past 3 days though, have really tested my pain limits. The peg-leg is a constant companion now, all day, no matter what I do. This morning it woke me up, screaming that I was lying in the "wrong" position and must flip over 5 times to find a good spot. When I try to run I can get about a mile down the road before I start to notice a tightness that starts in the knee, then either changes into standard arthritis pain, with a dull ache on my lateral side (I can put up with it) or I'll quickly transform into a peg-legged runner. These past 3 days it's been the later, with me slowing to a walk when I notice my peg-leg pain is affecting my form. The only relief I get is switching to running on my toes (on the bad leg), which can work for a little while, but eventually the pain overcomes the form change and no matter how I place my foot it feels like I'm crunching bone. I just want to know why it feels so crappy and if there is anything at all I can do.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
The results are in but...
I have always been called a patient person. As a teacher I heard it from both the parents and their children frequently, especially since I handled only children with learning disabilities and those with ADD/ADHD. This knee experience though has brought me to a new level of patience.
I've had this knee pain for oh, about 7 to 8 months now, ever since my patella crack healed up. I've seen specialists, a chiropractor, physiotherapists, GPs, ER doctors and finally my new specialist saw the value in me getting another MRI. Last weekend I got the MRI and now my specialist has the results. BUT I have to wait. My specialist is super popular and I get that, but between his schedule and my daughter's dance competition I now have to wait another 3 weeks to get the results and find out what the rehab plan is. This is incredibly frustrating, maddening and depressing.
My knee has felt like crap for a solid week now. Yesterday's run commute was painful, literally. I took many walk breaks because running while you can feel one side of your knee banging into the lower leg bone hurts and is incredibly distracting. I kept trying to distract myself from the sensation; think of flowers! I told myself, or focus on the waterfront! Look at the boats! None of it really helped. Then I tried changing my gait, trying to land on my forefoot, then my heel, nothing making much of a difference for more than a few steps. Walking was not too painful so I tried to speed walk to make the most of my time. So after 4km I gave up and waited for the bus to take me the rest of the way home. All I could think about was how, only 2 years ago, I would have kept going all the way home, enjoying the extra time I had available that particular day to bang out a nice 11kms. Then I counted the full marathons I've done (4) and how many ultras I've done (3, but only finished 2 completely), then wondered if I'll ever do another one again. How depressing.
My husband was empathetic about the situation but there's not much he can do. We're both trying to get through this. I'm trying hard not to be cranky and complain about my knee as much as I could. I also try to do everything I used to do physically, sometimes to my own detriment. He's trying not to be negative and bleak about the future for my knee and for my running while also being sympathetic. It's be hard for both of us. Then I feel guilty on top of all that for having the accident to begin with and putting us both in this situation. Ugh. And so, I wait, some more.
I've had this knee pain for oh, about 7 to 8 months now, ever since my patella crack healed up. I've seen specialists, a chiropractor, physiotherapists, GPs, ER doctors and finally my new specialist saw the value in me getting another MRI. Last weekend I got the MRI and now my specialist has the results. BUT I have to wait. My specialist is super popular and I get that, but between his schedule and my daughter's dance competition I now have to wait another 3 weeks to get the results and find out what the rehab plan is. This is incredibly frustrating, maddening and depressing.
My knee has felt like crap for a solid week now. Yesterday's run commute was painful, literally. I took many walk breaks because running while you can feel one side of your knee banging into the lower leg bone hurts and is incredibly distracting. I kept trying to distract myself from the sensation; think of flowers! I told myself, or focus on the waterfront! Look at the boats! None of it really helped. Then I tried changing my gait, trying to land on my forefoot, then my heel, nothing making much of a difference for more than a few steps. Walking was not too painful so I tried to speed walk to make the most of my time. So after 4km I gave up and waited for the bus to take me the rest of the way home. All I could think about was how, only 2 years ago, I would have kept going all the way home, enjoying the extra time I had available that particular day to bang out a nice 11kms. Then I counted the full marathons I've done (4) and how many ultras I've done (3, but only finished 2 completely), then wondered if I'll ever do another one again. How depressing.
My husband was empathetic about the situation but there's not much he can do. We're both trying to get through this. I'm trying hard not to be cranky and complain about my knee as much as I could. I also try to do everything I used to do physically, sometimes to my own detriment. He's trying not to be negative and bleak about the future for my knee and for my running while also being sympathetic. It's be hard for both of us. Then I feel guilty on top of all that for having the accident to begin with and putting us both in this situation. Ugh. And so, I wait, some more.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Rushing around but getting things done
It had been a long day and it was only 11:30am. I was exiting the auditorium I had sat in for the past 4 hours watching dancers of all ages perform. My pocket buzzed and I figured it was my mother's partner ringing me for an update on our lunch schedule. Nope. A strange, fast talking voice stated he was calling from the infirmary and could squeeze my MRI in that afternoon, could I come?
Shocked at the abruptness of the call and the request, but not wanting to put of this scan any longer I jumped at the chance. I quickly grabbed my dancer then started figuring out how to swing her 2 hour break, Mother's day and lunch all into my new time frame so I could make it to the hospital in time (and make it back for the rest of the dance competition).
A fast lunch, hurried Mother's Day gift opening and the loan of my mother's suv made it all happen in a pinch. The scan only took about 20 minutes but it was a very painful 20 minutes. First the technicians told me to straighten my leg into the plastic frame for the scan. I told them I had. Then they told me it was not, in fact, straight and then proceeded to "straighten it out." Ouch. Instantly everything on the medial side hurt. Sucking it up and trying to stay still, they started the scan. Not a minute later that foot started to cramp into a charlie horse. Desperate to keep my leg and foot still I breathed through it until the cramp finally released. Now I was just back to trying to stay still while wanting badly to reposition my leg to make it feel better but not being able to.
20 minutes finally passed with the technician announcing they were checking my images and then I could go. I happily hopped off the bed, thanked the technician for squeezing me in and raced back to the auditorium for the remainder of the day.
Now I just need to wait for my specialist to call me for a follow up appointment so I can get the verdict on what's going on in this bad knee.
Shocked at the abruptness of the call and the request, but not wanting to put of this scan any longer I jumped at the chance. I quickly grabbed my dancer then started figuring out how to swing her 2 hour break, Mother's day and lunch all into my new time frame so I could make it to the hospital in time (and make it back for the rest of the dance competition).
A fast lunch, hurried Mother's Day gift opening and the loan of my mother's suv made it all happen in a pinch. The scan only took about 20 minutes but it was a very painful 20 minutes. First the technicians told me to straighten my leg into the plastic frame for the scan. I told them I had. Then they told me it was not, in fact, straight and then proceeded to "straighten it out." Ouch. Instantly everything on the medial side hurt. Sucking it up and trying to stay still, they started the scan. Not a minute later that foot started to cramp into a charlie horse. Desperate to keep my leg and foot still I breathed through it until the cramp finally released. Now I was just back to trying to stay still while wanting badly to reposition my leg to make it feel better but not being able to.
20 minutes finally passed with the technician announcing they were checking my images and then I could go. I happily hopped off the bed, thanked the technician for squeezing me in and raced back to the auditorium for the remainder of the day.
Now I just need to wait for my specialist to call me for a follow up appointment so I can get the verdict on what's going on in this bad knee.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Flare Ups and Knee Spasms - Is it Friday yet?
Flare ups suck. Yup I said it. It's kind of funny it takes me three days to figure out I'm in the middle of one but here it is nonetheless.
On Monday the knee was cranky and sore. Oh well, suck it up and move on, right? Tuesday was a bit more sore with some stabbing pain thrown in for extra fun (it sucked but okay, I can muscle through this). Yesterday I spent the day with my knee in spasms. Literally. I didn't get an hour of peace, the medial area of my knee looked like it had a heart beat. It was weird and then it got painful towards the end of the day, to the point my husband brought me an ice pack to dull it down (it helped by the way). I considered going into a walk in clinic but with my crazy schedule and the fact I was pretty sure there was nothing they would do, I didn't bother. I did tell my husband I would go to the clinic if the spasms continued into today.
Today - only light, sporadic spasms. Thank god. My leg feels like it's been through the wringer. My thigh feels swollen and stiff, as if I just finished the leg press workout of a lifetime (and that's coming from me-who's run 50ks). My calf is swollen and sore but not stiff. My knee is sore, especially where the spasms are happening, and in the spot I'm getting the MRI for. All in all, I wanted to spend the day in bed but I also need to make money, so here I am at work. Whining. Needless to say, I'm not running today. The weather is nasty anyhow, with heavy rain and wind. The arthritis side of my knee is stiff and sore, but I'm sure that's from the weather. These spasms though? I don't know where/why they're suddenly happening.
Google did give some suggestions (of course). Some seem more plausible than others but until I get an MRI I won't truly know what's going on in there. It could be anything from loose bits of cartilage floating around, banging into parts of my knee, causing it to spasm. It could be a nerve issue, a very localized nerve issue mind you, but still, that could be the problem. Or it could be the OA, somehow causing the opposite side of my knee to spasm.
Should I bother with a walk in clinic? I just don't have the time or energy to bother with my health care system any more. It's so out of touch with the reality of chronic conditions that it seems like an epic waste of time to even bother with (unless you have a broken bone or chest pain). So, no, I won't bother with the clinic, even as these spasms kick up again, until I can't put weight on this leg I'm not wasting more time with people who just look at my knee (no physical exams-they hardly ever happen!) and tell me there's nothing they can do. A witch doctor can give me such sage advice.
On Monday the knee was cranky and sore. Oh well, suck it up and move on, right? Tuesday was a bit more sore with some stabbing pain thrown in for extra fun (it sucked but okay, I can muscle through this). Yesterday I spent the day with my knee in spasms. Literally. I didn't get an hour of peace, the medial area of my knee looked like it had a heart beat. It was weird and then it got painful towards the end of the day, to the point my husband brought me an ice pack to dull it down (it helped by the way). I considered going into a walk in clinic but with my crazy schedule and the fact I was pretty sure there was nothing they would do, I didn't bother. I did tell my husband I would go to the clinic if the spasms continued into today.
Today - only light, sporadic spasms. Thank god. My leg feels like it's been through the wringer. My thigh feels swollen and stiff, as if I just finished the leg press workout of a lifetime (and that's coming from me-who's run 50ks). My calf is swollen and sore but not stiff. My knee is sore, especially where the spasms are happening, and in the spot I'm getting the MRI for. All in all, I wanted to spend the day in bed but I also need to make money, so here I am at work. Whining. Needless to say, I'm not running today. The weather is nasty anyhow, with heavy rain and wind. The arthritis side of my knee is stiff and sore, but I'm sure that's from the weather. These spasms though? I don't know where/why they're suddenly happening.
Google did give some suggestions (of course). Some seem more plausible than others but until I get an MRI I won't truly know what's going on in there. It could be anything from loose bits of cartilage floating around, banging into parts of my knee, causing it to spasm. It could be a nerve issue, a very localized nerve issue mind you, but still, that could be the problem. Or it could be the OA, somehow causing the opposite side of my knee to spasm.
Should I bother with a walk in clinic? I just don't have the time or energy to bother with my health care system any more. It's so out of touch with the reality of chronic conditions that it seems like an epic waste of time to even bother with (unless you have a broken bone or chest pain). So, no, I won't bother with the clinic, even as these spasms kick up again, until I can't put weight on this leg I'm not wasting more time with people who just look at my knee (no physical exams-they hardly ever happen!) and tell me there's nothing they can do. A witch doctor can give me such sage advice.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
I can and I will
Yesterday's run commute was tough. Not because the weather was bad or the terrain more challenging. Nope. This was a pure battle between my will and my knee. From the get-go my knee was not happy to be out for a run. The arthritis was in full swing, causing a stabbing pain straight through my knee, with twinges of pain showing up sporadically in my thigh. I was determined not to bag my run though. I plodded on, much slower than normal, needing to prove to myself I could overcome this. I took walk breaks-lots of them, but I kept on plodding away. One kilometer became two and slowly but surely I was getting to my goal bus stop where I would give myself permission to stop, and rest. By the third kilometer though I found the stiffness in my knee easing up and I could improve my pace a bit. I began to realize I was going to get there, despite the pain and swelling that my knee kept reminding me of.
Finally I got there, 4.5 km later. Now, in year past, before I messed up my knee, I'd be happy I got a run in but unless I was doing something unusual I didn't normally feel "proud" of myself. Nowadays each and every run is something to celebrate, to remember and appreciate because I could get out there and do it that day, despite what pain was holding me back. These runs prove to myself that I can and I will continue to enjoy my sport, regardless of the distance, regardless of any arthritis pain. I can and I will.
Finally I got there, 4.5 km later. Now, in year past, before I messed up my knee, I'd be happy I got a run in but unless I was doing something unusual I didn't normally feel "proud" of myself. Nowadays each and every run is something to celebrate, to remember and appreciate because I could get out there and do it that day, despite what pain was holding me back. These runs prove to myself that I can and I will continue to enjoy my sport, regardless of the distance, regardless of any arthritis pain. I can and I will.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Pushing Onwards
It was a beautiful weekend. I got in a short 4.5km run on Friday evening while my daughter danced, then went again the next morning for another 7km with my dog. My leg felt pretty darn good until Saturday evening when the pain came on so fast I was popping naproxen and negotiating with my leg for tiny little adjustments so I could be pain free for a few minutes at a time. By 10pm I had had enough of trying to manage the pain and decided to hit the hay. Sleep helped when I wasn't being woken up by even more pain. My knee was feeling hot and full no matter what I did. I got a few hours of sleep at a time, so by Sunday morning I was bagging my run in favor of sitting on my couch, pale and tired.
Thankfully by noon yesterday my leg felt good enough I felt like I could handle a bike ride so I grabbed my daughter's bike and mine and off we went for another 4km on the trails. I took her on a rolling hills kind of route and thankfully she went so slow I didn't have to pedal much. We were both happy to get outside and have the wind in our hair.
It's such a strange dichotomy to have such beautiful weather and want to be outside enjoying it all but yet this dark cloud of pain keeps rolling in like a Nova Scotian jet stream. Muscling through it seems to be my only option unless I want to sit around eating bon bons all day being depressed.
This morning my leg felt pretty good so I did a Livestrong HIIT workout before heading to work. My knee twinged a bit and my quad went into full spasms during the drive into work, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I just want it all to go away. I am really hoping this new MRI shows something, anything, that they can treat. My worst fear is hearing "well, we can see you're in pain but unfortunately the MRI doesn't show anything wrong." Hearing those words would be soul crushing. To me, those words would mean there's no hope and the state I'm in right now is the best I can hope for. How depressing. So I'm trying to stay positive and live in the "now" so right now I feel ok. I can tell by noon I'll need another pill, but right now it's manageable and I can focus on work tasks. It's a new month and in 4 more days I'll hit the one month wait mark for this MRI. According to the wait times website for Nova Scotia (which have not been updated in months) 50% of people (excluding emergencies) wait 36 days for an MRI. Well, my sinking feeling is that I'm in that 90% group that waits 468 days. I guess I'll be down to 430 soon but I just don't know how people can live in this much pain for so long without even knowing what is causing it. Sometimes I wish we had a more American medical system so these wait times wouldn't be so incredibly long. So I push on.
Thankfully by noon yesterday my leg felt good enough I felt like I could handle a bike ride so I grabbed my daughter's bike and mine and off we went for another 4km on the trails. I took her on a rolling hills kind of route and thankfully she went so slow I didn't have to pedal much. We were both happy to get outside and have the wind in our hair.
It's such a strange dichotomy to have such beautiful weather and want to be outside enjoying it all but yet this dark cloud of pain keeps rolling in like a Nova Scotian jet stream. Muscling through it seems to be my only option unless I want to sit around eating bon bons all day being depressed.
This morning my leg felt pretty good so I did a Livestrong HIIT workout before heading to work. My knee twinged a bit and my quad went into full spasms during the drive into work, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I just want it all to go away. I am really hoping this new MRI shows something, anything, that they can treat. My worst fear is hearing "well, we can see you're in pain but unfortunately the MRI doesn't show anything wrong." Hearing those words would be soul crushing. To me, those words would mean there's no hope and the state I'm in right now is the best I can hope for. How depressing. So I'm trying to stay positive and live in the "now" so right now I feel ok. I can tell by noon I'll need another pill, but right now it's manageable and I can focus on work tasks. It's a new month and in 4 more days I'll hit the one month wait mark for this MRI. According to the wait times website for Nova Scotia (which have not been updated in months) 50% of people (excluding emergencies) wait 36 days for an MRI. Well, my sinking feeling is that I'm in that 90% group that waits 468 days. I guess I'll be down to 430 soon but I just don't know how people can live in this much pain for so long without even knowing what is causing it. Sometimes I wish we had a more American medical system so these wait times wouldn't be so incredibly long. So I push on.
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