It was a beautiful weekend. I got in a short 4.5km run on Friday evening while my daughter danced, then went again the next morning for another 7km with my dog. My leg felt pretty darn good until Saturday evening when the pain came on so fast I was popping naproxen and negotiating with my leg for tiny little adjustments so I could be pain free for a few minutes at a time. By 10pm I had had enough of trying to manage the pain and decided to hit the hay. Sleep helped when I wasn't being woken up by even more pain. My knee was feeling hot and full no matter what I did. I got a few hours of sleep at a time, so by Sunday morning I was bagging my run in favor of sitting on my couch, pale and tired.
Thankfully by noon yesterday my leg felt good enough I felt like I could handle a bike ride so I grabbed my daughter's bike and mine and off we went for another 4km on the trails. I took her on a rolling hills kind of route and thankfully she went so slow I didn't have to pedal much. We were both happy to get outside and have the wind in our hair.
It's such a strange dichotomy to have such beautiful weather and want to be outside enjoying it all but yet this dark cloud of pain keeps rolling in like a Nova Scotian jet stream. Muscling through it seems to be my only option unless I want to sit around eating bon bons all day being depressed.
This morning my leg felt pretty good so I did a Livestrong HIIT workout before heading to work. My knee twinged a bit and my quad went into full spasms during the drive into work, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I just want it all to go away. I am really hoping this new MRI shows something, anything, that they can treat. My worst fear is hearing "well, we can see you're in pain but unfortunately the MRI doesn't show anything wrong." Hearing those words would be soul crushing. To me, those words would mean there's no hope and the state I'm in right now is the best I can hope for. How depressing. So I'm trying to stay positive and live in the "now" so right now I feel ok. I can tell by noon I'll need another pill, but right now it's manageable and I can focus on work tasks. It's a new month and in 4 more days I'll hit the one month wait mark for this MRI. According to the wait times website for Nova Scotia (which have not been updated in months) 50% of people (excluding emergencies) wait 36 days for an MRI. Well, my sinking feeling is that I'm in that 90% group that waits 468 days. I guess I'll be down to 430 soon but I just don't know how people can live in this much pain for so long without even knowing what is causing it. Sometimes I wish we had a more American medical system so these wait times wouldn't be so incredibly long. So I push on.
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